Tonight was a little different. I was late running up to the bus, so I wasn't first on. In fact, I boarded the bus to find my favorite seats behind the articulation were taken. I was robbed. Each set of seats had one person, so I opted for the middle sideways seats. These seats are lame. If I fall asleep I might crash into the aisle. Everyone exiting the bus brushes against you on the way out when you're sitting there. It is better than standing, though.
Before I sat down, I quickly checked the seat for any foreign liquids, food, or other sketchy things I'd rather not sit in. The seat and surrounding area got the All Clear, so I sat down. No one was on the seat next to me.
The newer Metro buses have little seats. Between the little seats (which most asses don't really fit on), is a little metal trough to separate your ass from your bus-neighbor's ass. The trough also doubles as a spot for runoff water when the interior is hosed down, or when the ass next to you spills their Slurpee.
My routine is to sit down, turn on my iPod, then pull my phone out. Today when I fumbled for my iPod, I happened to look down at the trough and imagine my surprise when I saw this:
It is a small woman's chewed off fingernail. It's also one of the grossest things I can think of. It was right there next to me. Actually, it was touching me. The crescent shaped, jagged claw was touching me. I gasped out loud and considered moving seats, but by that time I'd have to sit with someone and end up in the aisle. That didn't sound appealing. So I snapped a pic of it for you all and then used the tip of my wet umbrella to flick it into the aisle.
The nail, somebody else's discarded keratin and DNA, probably came off a high school girl on her way to the mall. She had grown unhappy with its length and decided - spur of the moment - it was time to get rid of it. She began gnawing on it like her mother told her not to do right there on the bus. She was listening to pop music in her iPod, staring blankly out the window. Once she got the nail completely detached, she swirled it in her stupid, teenaged mouth to get the proper angle, then she shot it out of her mouth like a disgusting missle. The saliva covered nail landed in the trough, and there you go. Bob's your uncle.
Whatever the case, I was grossed out until I moved it. I got grossed out again when I watched a woman step on it in the aisle and carry it off in the tread of her shoe.