I told her today her husband would get a kick out of this old man who is jealous of me because he doesn't know she and I are just busfriends. He'd probably get a kick out of this blog, too.
Kendra is one of those people that attracts homeless people, talkers, and people who might take advantage of her kindness. The elderly guy has so much to say! Even though Kendra feels bad for him because he's probably lonely, she can't hear anything he's saying because he talks very quietly so she doesn't want to sit next to him and have to nod and smile for 48 minutes.
Also, last week Kendra cracked me up because she was either playing with her phone and missed her stop or missed the stop on purpose to avoid MAIL HANDLER that afternoon last week. That was a slick move either way.
Anyway, last January I regaled you all with a story of sadness: Roger's Starbucks Disaster. People are probably still cursing that douche for leaving a nearly full Grande Starbucks standing alone, mocking riders until it got kicked over. Well, actually, it was crushed.
Here's the link to refresh your memory: Roger's Starbucks Disaster
I took my seat behind the articulation this afternoon on Express 1 and we started rolling down Second Avenue. I looked forward and saw an Odwalla, a water in a plastic cup, and a Specialty's sandwich bag arranged like so:
"I'd like a BLT. And can you please add some dirt off the Seattle streets that comes off strangers' shoes? Thanks!"
I looked up to see who the buffet belonged to, and there sat Roger. He had the whole seat to himself - he had one side of the seat and his backpack had the other. I don't understand why he couldn't put all of his things on the seat. Heaven forbid he might have to hold one of the drinks, I suppose.
You might also be asking yourself, "Who would put food or drink on the floor of a public bus?" The answer is simple: Roger. Roger is a master of physics and can balance practically anything in a perfectly vertical position. In fact, he also creates his own forcefield around the balanced objects so as to protect them from nastiness on the bus floor. Like flesh eating bacteria or pinworms.
Forcefield or not, most people would think twice about putting something going into their body (or potentially onto an innocent bystander's body) on a Metro bus floor.
But Roger has no fear. Balancing a Grande Starbucks beverage the entire way home was a piece of cake in the front of the bus. He was a daredevil and had to up the ante. "Let's see anyone else balance a health drink...I'll even drink some of it to break the safety seal on the container and throw off the balance...a slightly topheavy water with a straw, and an unbalanced bag of sandwich." Keep in mind the articulation turns as the bus turns, so the floor is in almost constant motion.
This guy has to be an engineer.
He may have gotten a large soup at Specialty's. If this was the case, Roger was totally tempting the Universe and the articulation floor.
As we approached Safeco Field, the Odwalla was the first to go. It tumbled over into the folds of the Camel Toe. (Anyone who rides the bus knows this is a very dusty, funky area.) When we turned the corner to get on I-5, the bus took a hard left and the Odwalla became airborne. I giggled, because I knew this would piss him off. The drink flew to the other side of the section, then rolled back to where he could pick it up. He did look irritated -- defeated, even -- as he retrieved it.
He sat it back down, but reconsidered the gravitational pull of the turns, then placed it on the seat by his backpack. The bag and water remained underneath the seat, held down by the forces of Nature.
I wonder if Roger eats on the floor when he's at home.
I kept my eye on his dinner the whole way, and sure enough, the bag never tipped and not a drop of water spilled. At the first stop off the freeway he gathered his things and moved to the back. I tried to get a video of the entire setting falling over when we took sharp turns to no avail. They didn't tip over.
Really, the story is not as entertaining as it could have been. He didn't get off at his normal stop. In fact, he got the bus off after me. I believe he fell asleep and missed his stop. There is a small chance the bus ended up covered in corn chowder or a Waldorf chicken sandwich, but I doubt it.
Part of me wondered if he'd spotted me trying to get a video clip of his dinner falling over and was waiting for my stop to confront me when we exited the bus. (He'd probably get mad because I had no faith in his balancing skills. "You non-believer!!" he would likely shout at me.) But you know what? Part of me wanted to tell him he is a douche for leaving his garbage behind last January and for being highly unsanitary.