Yes! Busworthy’s back in action. Welcome back and hello new readers.
This domain name just auto-renewed, so it’s high time I posted a new tale of adventure.
I have been taking the Sounder train to work since the beginning of the year and the Express bus home, so I haven’t seen anything exciting. I did take the 150 a couple of times, but nothing really inspired me. You can imagine how thrilled I was to hear a good, old fashioned, busworthy recollection.
The story I heard from a new correspondent (Betty) today took place on the morning Express bus I should have been on instead of the train. Oh, I should have been there. The choice to take the train on this particular morning will forever torture me.
There is a new Express bus regular with a daily routine: She cuts in line to board the bus and never pays. How this happens, no one knows. No cash, no Orca card, no real explanation to the driver. This passenger wears a different bandana each day, and she’s definitely rough – yet decent looking. Betty mentioned her lack of fare to another rider and was told, in a strong Russian accent, “Don’t say a verrd. She vill CUT you.”
Betty calls the non-paying rider Bandana Bitch.
So one day back in April, Bandana Bitch pushes her way onto the bus ahead of the queue and enters free as a bird. Full on Ride Free Zone for this one.
The other passengers board the bus. Betty is sitting just behind the articulation, and Bandana Bitch is sitting nearby. Also taking their seats were a mother and daughter who were Muslim. The daughter was probably around 20, and they were both dressed in traditional Muslim wear. Disgusted by Bandana Bitch’s blatant disregard for the line and the fare, the Muslims were staring at her.
“What are you looking at? Stop staring at me.”
[Muslims continue to stare in silence.]
“I mean it. Stop staring at me!”
Okay, on a normally silent bus, this is exciting. The passengers notice how the air has gotten still, much like the still just before a gunfight. Or a tornado. Or some other form of chaos.
Bandana Bitch gets up to move to the back, obviously wanting her morning peace. The two begin exchanging words (and silent stares). Muslim mother notices another passenger has gotten her phone out and is recording the skirmish. She approaches the amateur camera woman and goes to slap the phone out of her hand.
“Stop the video!” says Muslim mother as she draws her hand back to slap the camera BUT MISSES and SLAPS THE CAMERA WOMAN. The slap landed right across her face. Everyone on the bus watching let out a low “Oooooh!” That’s when shit got real.
Muslim mother and the camera woman got into a slap fight, and Muslim daughter was right there with them. Muslim mother began spitting at the camera woman and the camera woman shouted, “I’ll cut you! I got felonies. What are you going to do?” The spitting and slapping continued until there was a break in the action for some glaring.
“I’ll cut you” is such a common phrase in Kent. I love it. It reminds me of the drag queen on Taxi Cab Confessions who proudly announced, “I cut my way through Chicago.” Such imagery. It really puts you right there in the action with them. The cutting action.
Anyway, the next thing the camera woman said was, “Are you going to go Jihad on me? Do you have a bomb?”
With that, the bus driver pulled over and parked. He got up and with an “Oh HELL naw” the bus driver separated the spitting Muslim women and the camera woman. “We ain’t goin’ anywhere until this is over and one of you gets off.
Twenty minutes later, the women are still exchanging words and glares. The Muslims are still spitting toward her like llamas. By now, passengers are getting upset. People start telling them – some loudly – “GET THE FUCK OFF THE BUS! We’re late!”
Eventually, Jihad and Jihad Junior get off the bus. The camera woman had moved to the back of the bus to get away from the spit spray. She ended up sitting next to Bandana Bitch – who had started the ruckus and quietly moved to the back. Obviously she has felonies and possibly warrants and didn’t need any more trouble with the law.
For the finale, the Jihads banged on the window outside as they walked by, yelling at the camera woman. She grinned and waved to them. “Bye bye!”
I can’t believe I missed this morning on the bus. And thanks for the great reporting, Betty.